If I ever had the chance to meet the great lyricist the late Anand Bakshi, I would have actually thanked him on penning down the words “Zindagi har kadam ek nayi jung hai” as I sincerely believe that song was meant for me. That song was an anthem every-time i got into trouble as kid, and would inspire me to take those legendary beatings with a lot of pride as if I was freedom fighter facing a lathi charge from the British. But then I guess we all are in the same boat of facing difficulties of life, at home and at work. Home issues are inherently touchy and personal so its would be safer for me to avoid them, as my suggestion to all simple “Shaadi is the stepping stone to Barbaadi”!!! But since my experiences and encounters with home issues minimal, it would be better to keep my mouth shut and avoid being labeled as the villain of romance…

Now after beating around all the bushes of the world, lets get to the point, because frankly speaking I am beginning to bore myself. Today educational institutions & corporate companies all over the globe focus on empowering their students or employees with the basic tact’s to handles issues and problems which may lead to sometimes serious damage. Be it management, communication, IT sectors or even a job of a waiter, problems do appear consistently like the 10.3% TDS cut in your paycheck (democracy ki jai…my A$%!!). Again, getting back to the topic, issues of all types, variety and quality can be categories into 2 basic genres…Micro and Macro! Micro as the name suggests is a small problem which has the potential to turn into a macro in-case it’s not nipped in the bud. For a simple example of the same…Micro Problem: Not being able to get up on time every morning (simple solution- Set all the watches of your house 30 minutes ahead of the actual time, so that you get the convinced that though its 7am on the watch you still have a half an hour of your beauty sleep). Macro problem: Ignoring the solution, reaching to work late consistently, ultimately resulting into a pay cut or even the loss job, both of which will invariably get you beaten up by your mom, dad, husband or wife!!!

So with the example and categories out of our ways let’s focus on trying to understand the intricacies of issues that are created in accordance with every loophole created by the society. Like they say prevention is better the cure, its necessary to keep an eye open for situations and happenings which will slowly mud-ball into a plethora of problems when all we had to do is to say a “yes or no” and seal the deal. But in a lot of cases, the power of vision is usually used to see a bright future and not the eminent danger that lies ahead. After all not everyone is as smart as my pop, who had the philosophy “a slap a day, keeps bad grades away”. He visualised, my short comings so early in time that he had already started saving by the time i was 8th, so that he could he could open me a garage when I failed my boards!! On a serious notes, a lot of micro problems faced by many are like the infamous “Bill Clinton scandal” just a stand alone problems which can be dealt with simple solutions (i.e. throw out president Clinton, problem solved). What we need to handle with extreme care are those micro problems which will have a lot of collateral, like George W Bush, becoming the president and assuming himself to be Rambo of the world!! All said, problems that are macro will involve, a lot of collateral and need to be dealt keeping the situation, emotions and more importantly the consequences in mind. They say if an itch is cured it becomes a rash, and rash can become an infection, and before i go further to gross you out, please understand that the itch has to be taken seriously.

At the start of this article if I had hinted on solving your issues, I extremely apologetic for the miss-communication and if I am assumed as a problem solver then God save the world!!! With my destructive thoughts and the tendency to say the wrong things at the right time, I am more like a problem for people around and there are rumors of a research conducted by my close ones as to how to deal with it, before I turn into a 6ft macro issue! But as i say, “Problems come in 3 sizes- Small, Medium & Bamboo-ed”!!! And the solution still lies hidden within Mr Bakshi’s lyrics…

“Hausla Na Chhod Kar Saamnaa Jahaan Ka
Badal Raha Hai Dekh Rang Aasmaan Ka..Rang Aasmaan Ka
Ye Shikast Ka Nahi Ye Fateh Ka Rang Hai
Zindagi Har Kadam Ek Nayi Jung Hai“

In the past few years the word cool has quite actively caught people’s imagination. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is India’s captain cool, anyone who can pull off bright red shoes with blue denims is considered “cool”, a sport bike or an imported car is “cool” and even caricatures of South Indian actors if done well, fall in the category of coolness. Not to be left behind, the corporate sector is also looking for the coolness factor in its employees and that leads to my question “What is the cool quotient?” Is it inborn? Does a person develop it over a period of time? Also do I fall into the category of being cool, because i think i deserve it (personal opinion)…Well, a smart person once said “being cool is being who you are”, I completely agree, after all,instead of going through all the trouble to look or act cool, it would be much simpler if coolness can be justified by just your actual existence. But does this philosophy also apply for the coolness quotient that an employee needs in his job or in situation that demand a cool demeanour… sadly the answer is no.

They say “a bit of spice is nice”, and if our work doesn’t throw us some tight situations & contests,we get bored enough to label our job as a non challenging one and eventually endure a burn out due to lack of brain use. Even employers are in search of a workforce who is well versed in the art of disaster management than the daily business management. Considering the volatility and unpredictable nature of work flow in today’s day and age this does seem to be a good ploy. After all even housewives sitting at home, watch the insanely mindless soaps with the hope that some of the on screen action will translate into off screen life. Imagine getting a brand new face, looking ravishing and combined with the Madras cuts (the excessive zoom ins and zoom out done by the cameraman) and a background music score for the deaf, your grand re-entry only to scare your “vamp” mother in law who suffers a heart attack right away…total unbeliveable yet insanely cool for the housewives..ain!!!Anyways coming back to the topic, coolness today means the ability to handle stress and at the same time take the right decisions. Something that sounds easy but is extremely difficult, it’s more like telling a drowning accountant to tally the balance sheets of IPL Kochi franchise before the water hits his lungs, in short “keeping cool to see clear”.

Well, it’s not impossible, that I guarantee because we all come across such situation in life…last ball of a cricket match, waiting for your first born in the hospital, 5 minutes before the last bell of your board exams and while completing 6 of the seventh pheras that will get you married for life! All this and lots more usually test your tenacity in daily life and some of it maybe on your daily work. Which again brings us to the question, is coolness in born? I don’t think so, pressure situations can be handled only in 4 ways, one by experience of being there – done that! – second by looking at the person next to you with puppy eyes, third by having immense presence of mind and lastly if you cant stand the stress, lift up your pants and run!! Option 2 and 4 will undoubtedly give the fattu and the bhagoda tag, where options 1 and 3, gives you the cool cap! what determines your coolness is you ability to stay calm when the world around you is spinning with ferocious velocity. People who’ve lesser experience in such situations usually panic and ultimately loose the sensibility to make a sane decision. Somewhere deep in us , we all have the coolness quotient but the problem is that like everything else in our lives it doesn’t get activated at the right time. All we need to do is “be ourselves” & think what should be done rather than what could’ve been done or what will be done.

We always use reference of heroes and their dialogues because they synchronize perfectly with our feeling. But the moral of this story is narrated by a villain, a great villain, maybe the best of all time, Mr.Gabbar with his yellow teeth and over-sized belt and the ‘culteshwar’ line “Jo darr gaya, samjho mar gaya”…Aaak Thooo!!

A very childish, immature and a fantasy based plot many would say & yet the movie went to become an all time classic simply because, deep within us we all want the phaarmoola and be “Mr India”. After all who doesnt want the secret to become invisible (imagine the things you can see when people can’t see you), be successful, rule the world and what not. As immature and unbelievable the thought is, I am still sure there is a formula to success and the best thing is that it’s not hidden but right in front of us. Completely unaware of it, we all use a bit of it in our daily lives but the majority lack the thought to understand it. The few who do succeed and by success I don’t mean just fame, money and power, of course all those are great (material wealth is the way to go) but I mean the success to succeed, to win, to have the feeling of being on top!!! Who doesn’t want to succeed? Who doesn’t want to prove that he is the best? And who doesn’t want the formula to do so? The answer is all of us do. Every job requires a set of skill, be it creative skills, managerial skills, communication skills etc and along with those we need intellect, hard work and the other set of basic talents demanded by our respective jobs. But what differentiates you from the other are the superpowers that you have and know about. Envisioning myself as a mad scientist (preferably named Dr. Khachak), I will tell them to you, and then the world will be ours (with a decent profit sharing ratio)..time for my evil laugh, Muhahahaha!!!! YEEEE, what fun, I always wanted to do this anyways here goes…

1. The Vision - Now I am not talking about your normal thakela vision, I am talking about the “sooper-vision”!!! Imagine if you can see into the future, well actually you need to have something called foresight like our Gujarati “DhoklaMan”, the great Dhirubhai Ambani, i am sure while lifting the oil can he must have seen himself as the head of a petrochemical company in the future, ekdum chokas!!! Try to understand the future, where you can be and then start paving the road for it. If you look beyond time and have a plan, you will be one step ahead of the game. Every move does have to be a right one in the immediate future but a base for the future you have envisioned!!!

2. The Grit – Well this is a must for every superhero…the grit, the determination, in short the ability to take some beating and give some beating! The policy here is to make sure that you’ve what it takes to endure and the determination to still move ahead. In short like our punjabi “Pagadi-man” Navjot Singh Sidhu says, “Ohhh Guru, What can’t be cured, must be endured”!!!

3. The Wit – The difference between Mr India and Mogambo is that, it take 3 hours for Mogambo to build rockets to destroy India but just 30 secs for Mr.India to find the right button to switch it off…now that’s smart!!! My college professor used to say “why work hard, when you can work smart”. Being able to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it, do it only if you have to do it (confusing???). Intellect is good but wit is deadly because it can be used at times when intellect fails many. Think fast and think right, and that’s the difference because wit determines your pace to move up, with the least blockages in your path.

4. The Common sense - Now this is a bit of a tough one, so i saved it for the last! How can a superhero who might fly or be invisible use common sense when everything around defies it, but soon we realize that like in real world, even in the fictional world, common sense is a rare commodity!! Where there is lack of intelligence, common sense will prevail and those who apply it will be looked up as if they have rediscovered gravity. It’s like asking superman to fly to the first floor when he can just take the stairs…its super dumb!!

My experiences and equations rate these 4 qualities as the energy source/the magic watch/or the mystical spider that can make a superhero out of anyone, but like our Mr.Spiderman said “with great power comes great responsibility” and the way we deal with those responsibilities will decide whether we will become a Mr.India or a Mogambo. In our daily lives, all of us do feats which an ordinary superhero can’t even think of doing, but yet we all want to be the special one. No denying the feeling but the possibility is within us, all that is left is just applying, “the winning phaarmoola”

Our learning from books and from experiences have always emphasized the importance of using theory and practicality to solve situations that demand immediate attention. Situations that will not demand your expertise but will also establish the value of your ingenuity and level headedness to people around. But in a fair amount of cases we seemed to be faced with situation where theory and reality, though equally strong, are in a state of perfect conflict with each other. In a corporate environment unlike a creative field (where failures can be passed off under the pretext of creative innovation) such decision are usually burdened with added implications of money, a test of perseverance and goodwill of your own and that of the organization.

Management colleges, grad schools and such esteemed institutions try their level best to prepare their lot for such situation by putting them through role play and situational exercises. But as they say, every problem is unique and so is its solution. For the experienced and for those who will soon hit the turf, the usual reaction is panic and then to hope that their superiors will take the call and that is when they lose their first pawn in the chess of business. Not suggesting that you go all guns blazing but yet to lie and submit without trying would be a mockery of all the time, money & effort spent by you in educating yourself to leave without a fight. This is precisely where the philosophy of gut feeling kicks in…

They say good decisions are made when the brain and the heart are in total unison, but what when both are in conflict? At such occasions, study the situation, understand the conflict, and see your options and when it comes to choosing if logic fails theory go with you instinct. Be aware that a decision of instinct is solely a decision made by you and you are to be held responsible. It is necessary to understand that every situation can’t have a perfect solution & not every choice is right, what is important is that both the solutions & choice come in real time. If things go well, you will be hailed as “the one” and in such cases do your best to not get completely blinded by this success as this might cloud your judgments in the future.

Now considering the complete reversal of the situation, what if the entire situation goes kaput? Try your best to have some kind of backup or an alternate course of action (if available) to minimize the damages and keep those above and under you in the hierarchy aware of your next move. Not much to say here, but in justification, you did what you did in the best of interest and as mentioned before it was entirely your call. Remember chickening out now would only mean that you have a gut which is underdeveloped to face the consequence, something that can be worse than failure. Illustrating examples of how to go about it won’t be necessary because once on the job you will be a spectator to such incidents first hand.

We all tend to think such lectures are a waste of time and might well be so. But a point to take away for all this text is that when the situation comes be prepared to face it instead of saying “I don’t know what to do”. They say, fortune favors the brave, and I say, brave are those who are prepared to face situation because cometh the hour, cometh the man!!!

Remember Namak Halal, well I do!!! A classic film with one of the most hilarious dialogues ever delivered by Big B. It goes something like, “I can talk Englis, i can walk Englis, I can laugh Englis, because Englis is a bery phunny language. Bhairon becomes barren and barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow”.

Bachchan then goes on to give an elaborate yet hilarious example of how well versed he is in Hindi and leaves us in splits with his complete buffoonery. I guess the whole of India must have laughed on this scene and the dialogue itself became a cult. This was yesteryears when knowing English was an added advantage unlike today where it has become a necessity. And in such a scenario where some are excellent at it, the majority suffers which makes a lot of people these days feel like it’s a crime that they are not great at English…something I call the vernacular complex!!

When I say vernacular, I don’t mean those studying in a non English medium educational institution, I mean those who have a heavy influence of their regional accent over their speaking English which in today’s hip India makes them inferior to the pure breed Indian born Angrez. Man, if the Brits come to know about this they would be beaming with eternal joy! Not only were they successful in the divide and rule policy but they unknowingly created “talk our language and feel superior” policy (Teen Goona Lagan Maaf situation). I don’t have anything against the language after all my blogs are in English (or atleast parts of them are). But how can a mastery over one language make anyone superior than those who might not have had the same resources to educate themselves in that language?

Considering the current political scenario in “Indian Raj”, not getting into the debate over which language should be used, wouldn’t be appropriate. After all, I don’t want Wizard of Proz to be renamed as Jadugar Proz (in such a case I will disown myself). But the basic law of communication is to get the message across and while English is definitely a language much used in the corporate sectors, the rural and the major urban sector of the country is still very much Hindi speaking. And these are your customers, employees and in short your target audience who would be more comfortable in talking in Hindi than to be confused the hell out by sophisticated English. Also it’s not even our national language, try using your sleek English in the northern states of India and you will get a “Bhak boodbuck” as a standard reply.

Well definitely knowing English is a must as we are in the era of globalization and it’s the language the world speaks but then does knowing it makes you superior to those who don’t …I don’t think so. What makes you superior are your thoughts and a language is simply a medium to express those thoughts. And if I can learn Latin listening to Ricky Martin’s “Un, dos, tres” how hard can learning English be with all the material you are exposed to.

For those who struggle with the language, I would say every time you think someone’s making fun of you, give them a “Yenna Rascalla” line in your mother tongue. Do that to feel better, but keep talking & reading the language because it’s not rocket science and one day you will definitely be killer at it. Also in a situation where you have to speak the language, go for the improved Indian version of English…Hinglish!!! Say those bits which you are good at in English and when you are unsure of what to say next, take a pause, add a words like “but, you see or basically” and switch to Hindi…believe me it works. Do this, keep learning & be yourself and soon you will speak such angrezi that you will leave the angrez behind… ain!

In today’s business arena, the scenario suggests that the lesser we talk about ethics the better. And it shall be less, because it’s coming from me, someone who is considered to be born unethical. Personally I think it’s my unique quality, but professionally I have a theory & it goes like this, “Kya kare boss,paapi pet ke liye sab karna padta hai”. It’s not that the unethical practices done by me are justified by that line but in my defense, such practices are in a zone which creates a win-win scenario for all.

After all things could have been much worse, I could have cheated my way into being a prestigious member of the fodder scam or got caught adding pesticides in aerated drinks or be crowned the next Harshad Mehta! But I didn’t, my fault was (as the world says) tweaking facts a bit to make things look more rosy. In short, convincing people much before they are in doubt so as to eliminate any grievances in advance. It all depends on the start you’ve had & I had a tough one, when my principles were as tough as the hair on my head (it’s unbelievably hard without a gel). Not going into the rant of how my principles stood in the way of my success it would be easier to say shelving a few rules off the list kinda doubled my chances to succeed.

For all those starting out, sadly my example can’t be the one to follow but its sure can be the one to learn from. The choices of life have to be weighed in comparison to the damages it can do and the profits its can bring. The potent ones are those that have bigger collateral and will immediately or on one fine day come back to haunt you. Not endorsing unethical practices, it would be safer to say that they are a way of life and business today. Very few people can proudly say that they never endorsed any unethical activity and I am sure that a very few out of those few will be successful in today’s age. Ethics might not be directly proportionate to success but it sure is a variable factor that will influence your future and that of others.

This entire blog could have been a symphony of the importance of ethics in life and business, but I guess lying doesn’t come naturally to me when it isn’t profitable for anyone. But I do sincerely believe there is an alarm inside all of us which starts going tan-tan-tan when we are about to commit blasphemy and it’s necessary to not mute this alarm so that we don’t end being indicted for a tragedy that we didn’t intend to be a part of. They say “all is fair in love and war” but this is neither, this something bigger than that, this is life, so think twice as the decision, the consequences and the life, all three are yours!!!

Dear All,

This is my final goodbye to the world. I don’t blame anyone for this….wait a minute!! Actually I blame the whole world. And after I am gone, you guys can actually feel bad that you have lost one of the greatest minds in the world (what’s the harm in bragging, when you don’t have to prove yourself anymore???)

Fed up with the traumas and the tantrums of the world, in particular my mom and dad, I have decided to end my life. I haven’t decided how to do it till now, because it takes time to find the least painful approach to death. One tip for those who want to see the light on the other side, don’t ask a chemist for cyanide, if that’s the way you want to go down!! Also try not using rat poison, because firstly it might be adulterated (if the rats don’t die, how will we?) and secondly if you survive you will have a real hard time explaining to your mom where all the rat poison disappeared!! But I am committed to ending my life and this commitment is much different than the one I made to my parents about passing in my exams with flying colors.

Well I am sure you can understand the pressure for kids these days. It’s like passing one small exam directly proportional to getting a Nobel Prize. Not like I have a problem passing, but if I pass this, I will have pass the next ten and the circle will never stop. I mean it’s not that hard to study a bit, maybe during exams, score decent marks and it’s not like if I fail it’s the end of the world because there is always a second chance. And even if I fail, I don’t think a lot of bad things can happen, simply because my father has never completed his threat “if you fail….” Its like I am waiting for him to end the statement but he never does, maybe that’s his way of warning his son and at the same time trying not to convince him that he is a failure. Hmmm poor guy, a bit of expectation from your son isn’t that bad, after all it’s natural to want good things for your child.

But man, the pressures… do this, do that, do it like someone else!! So the Chintu next door is insanely good in his studies, but why compare? Actually comparing is not a problem because if Chintu is good in education, I am awesome in sports!!! Pity they don’t have a checklist for awesomeness in your report cards or I would be a topper in that section!! Also the scare of your future man, I mean, what line to choose,…engineering or commerce? What if you don’t get good marks? What if you don’t get into a good college???… all these whats are too frustrating!!! But it’s great that the education system today allows us to do what we feel like doing, with different courses, entrance exams and various quotas for areas other than academic excellence. So it’s not that only grades that matter but your overall performance counts, which means that, I have a good chance of getting into any nice college and pursue the course that I like. Wait till my dad comes to know of this, it’s like finding kyrptonite!!

Hmmm, well those were actually my points of concern, that made me take this drastic step of ending my life, also doubled with the fact that I have already told my folks that I did awesome in exams (I thought it might make my last 2 months on earth a pleasant experience)… but then my results are round the corner now and they are certainly not going to be awesome (frankly, not even close). Actually I don’t think it will be that bad, after all I will just have to narrate the kindergarten story of King Bruce & spider ending with “try try till you succeed!” and with a bit of spit under my eyes, I am sure the performance will be moving enough for my folks to break down in tears & give me a second chance. Take it in writing my friend; Emotional Attyachar always works with Amma & Appa!!!

Interesting, So idea mein thoda change rehneka!!! Suicide can be put off to a later date & like Dharamji said in Sholay “Suicide Cancel Gaanwalon”.

After all,

Life is one & there is a lot to be done,
Today might not be a day of mine,
But happiness will come surely in time
And if you want to know how
Melody Khao, Khud Jaan Jao!!

Warm Regards
Name withheld in fear of getting bashed by APPA!!!

Firstly from an organization’s point of view, they do believe that encroaching on a customer’s space unaware and untold would sincerely market their products. Nothing wrong in that, as they are using the legendary hit and miss ratio where all they have to lose is a rupee and some marketing representative’s self esteem. With a landline in hand and yellow pages in front, they train their marketing reps to sell products and offers to people who they don’t even know if it is actually in need for the particular service offered. In a country like India where unemployment is something that parents think as blasphemy and easy money is like getting the key to heaven, finding educated labor isn’t quite hard. And like taxis are called cabs these days, call centers are called BPO’s which give an air of superiority to the employees.

Anyways coming back to the point, when you are given a decent pay to call random people up and disturb them it’s not like you would care. But the surprising fact is that a lot of these employees are actually good at communication but they just don’t know it as they are have to follow the set guidelines and not deviate. The sensibility factor then lies with the organization executives who initiate, sustain and supervise the communication teams. These are the minds that have to understand that the philosophy of communication and majorly the fact that it works 2 ways. An executive diary and training with serves as the guidebook to the employees, should be tailor made to various situations & necessarily include a line, which would be, “Sir I am so and so calling from so, is it a good time to talk?” Also the marketing reps should avoid being trained parrots that blurt out what they are trained to and end up finding themselves in a fix when the questions asked are not in their section of FAQs (frequently asked questions). If the reps are told that to use the human brain between their ears the result would be much better than a hung up phone or the other end. And a fact to consider is that other than this being on of the biggest job sector among the young and enterprising it is actually a good exercise to hone your communication skills.

Laws of communication states that a perfect time, place and situation would ensure a perfect communication with the desired feedback. Though we aren’t looking at a perfect communication, we still are looking for a profitable communication, it would nice to know if the person contacted is need of service to save the wastage of breath and time on both ends. These are some minor pointers for the BPO’s who I am sure will never read this blog. Only one point for the people on the receiving end, when we decided that comfort is good we allowed people to intrude on our privacy and also that all calls are not entirely useless, they actually might have something useful to offer so if you have the time try to resist the impulse of banging down the phone. Also just a point for humanity sake, saying mean things to people on the other end of line would massively dent their confidence for the next call, after all simple “No thanks” won’t be that difficult…

While the emotionless father was jubilant that his son, a living nightmare, the gunny bag created for food consumption might actually stop asking 10 bucks everyday and would be out of the house for long periods, the mother was aghast with the thought. Her son would be serving drinks & cleaning up dishes and what happens if her relatives are on the same flight, as she put it, ‘you want to be a waiter on a plane,why beta why???’. It’s like pin put in your illustrious thought bubble and phooosh!!!

I don’t think it’s necessary to say that the above story is mine and I am the idiot who had to give up the interview because my “mummy” was thought it wasn’t a cool profession. Well mummy, the hospitality industry is one of the biggest, ever growing and the most prestigious institution successfully established all over the globe, but you wouldn’t know as your relatives don’t inform you (please GOD, let her never ever read this article). Coming to the point, the hospitality industry has certainly grown by leaps and bounds especially in a country like India where the concept of living better has topped the priority list  in the minds of middle & the upper middle class. With the new generation understanding the dignity of labor, the concept of service with a smile and considering the lucrative pay scales offered by a corporate, hospitality management might just be the course a lot graduates and the under graduates will opt for.

A popular myth among the people inclined towards choosing a career in hospitality management is that their final destination may end up being at a front desk of a hotel. Well my friends, from aviation to multiplexes everyone desires to have brains that will provide them happy and satisfied customers. Machines are mechanical, thoughts are philosophical but human beings are emotional. A reason why it has been termed as one the most challenging jobs as it involves direct communication with the end user, who will have bizarre and unheard issues, won’t take no for an answer & will have to be dealt with smile. A field with the golden rule that “the customer is always right” can be frustrating for many and yet I have seen a few who do it with supreme ease.

As my experiences and occasional confrontations have shown me that this line of work needs exceptional communicational skills (talking & listening), a temper barometer (to keep a lid on your anger), a cheerful personality and above all, a mastery over the line “Sure sir/madam, I will try my best”. Well if you think you have the above qualities, a general liking to meeting new people and tolerance for all (something that I lack), this is a field that might entertain you to no end. I know that my mom was grossly mistaken about her understanding of a flight purser though I don’t have the guts to say that in front of her as her beatings are internationally renowned; I do hope a lot of parents do realize that no work is big or small especially when it pays big. After all, we all serve someone but a chosen few have it in them to serve with a smile.